Watch your mouth

My grandmother had a policy of 'if you have nothing good to say, say nothing'. It was a good policy. OK so maybe I gossip a bit, but it is never malicious...it's more a case of me living vicariously. And I listen to far more gossip than I spread. I'm not trying to justify my actions but I'm just saying...I don't approve of malicious gossip.

Why is it that there are so many people who do?! It's positively nauseating! The fourth precept is largely considered to be abstinence from speaking untruths, but I once heard that this abstinence should extend to all unpleasant words, whether they be profanities, malicious gossip or pranks...and I think that makes sense. Why should you say things that will cause undue distress to others?

I don't understand what these people get out of all their backstabbing. It makes my skin crawl. What is the purpose? Even if they've been hard done by in their eyes, what is the purpose of revenge, but to indulge in an endless cycle of hate? These are supposedly intelligent, educated people, and yet they're as ignorant as newborn babes.

It disgusts me that people indulge in such spiteful behaviour, but I will try and find peace in the knowledge that what goes around comes around.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Letting go of the shit

I just got back from a talk by Ajahn Brahm. Oh wow, he really is something, isn't he? I only hope I can be as captivating a speaker as he is. I could listen to him for hours...oh wait, I did.

But onto what he said. He related his story about the two chicken farmers. I realised that all this time I've been doing what the first farmer did: collecting the shit. It's not that I didn't notice the eggs, but I didn't focus on them. Instead I focused on all the negatives: the guilt, the regret, the failure, the inadequacy...and I berated myself for it. No wonder my mother said I don't love myself enough.

Letting go of the shit is difficult. But it is necessary. If I am ever to rid myself of this depression, I have to look after myself. Love myself. Praise myself. Be constructive with myself. Be positive. Treat myself the way I treat my students...with patience, tolerance, dedication and love. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't deserve it.

It's weird that I have no problem doing metta for people I dislike, but I find it difficult to do it for myself. Silly really...how can I expect other people to love and respect me when I don't love and respect myself?

I shall stop rambling and go to sleep now. As my mother says...tomorrow won't be a good day or a bad day; it'll be a new day.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Eeeeegoooooooo

Why do people take themselves so seriously? We are all flawed, we are all vulnerable, and when considering the bigger picture, we are all insignificant. So why waste so much energy getting offended and upset and feeling hard done by? Isn't it far better to laugh it off, let go and move on?

Sigh...anicca, dukkha, anatta indeed.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Well, no one said it'd be easy

Try living in the moment for five minutes. No past, no future. Just the present. Oh wow, this meditation business is hard. It'll get easier eventually, apparently.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Here we go again

Yes I know my life is full of false starts. What to do.

Had a look at Ajahn Brahm's youtube videos today. One caught my eye and proved very valuable, as mentioned here. So what do I need to do? Separate body from mind. Simple as that. Even though my body is tired, it doesn't mean my mind needs to be. How difficult could that be, eh?

Hmm...

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Finding my way

I feel myself slipping away. The trappings of worldly pleasures distract me from the bigger picture.

I'm struggling to find my place in this world. I do not wish to conform, but I do not wish to be an outcast. I want to stand out and yet be accepted. Surely this is a contradiction?!

I need to find my way back to the Teachings. To rediscover my conviction. The scent of dried bo leaves in my copy of the Dhammapada takes my mind back to Anuradhapura, and the tranquillity I felt at Ruwanweliseya. I need to find that calm again.

My mother has stopped telling me to meditate. And now I think I'm ready to start meditating. For real this time.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Mettā, anyone?

I just followed a 35 minute meditation session. My mind wandered a lot more than I'd envisaged, but I'm glad I've at least started. I would like to develop this meditation into a habit. We shall see.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!