Home Improvements

I try to keep my emotions in check. Always. Not that I suppress them (which is an oft-mistaken view of Buddhism), but I try not to let my emotions get to a level where they consume me. Sometimes, I falter. I get upset, or angry, or annoyed...I suppose we all do. The problem with me, is that I get annoyed that I'm upset/angry/annoyed. I berate myself for letting my emotions get the better of me. Obviously this doesn't bode well for moving on, because then I just get depressed about not being able to counter my emotions and then I feel a failure and so on, so forth...a downward spiral ensues. So I have to catch myself, at some point...any point. I have to remember to love myself, and tell myself not to admonish my conscience for faltering. I have to coax myself into a positive state of mind, so that I can accept my reaction, learn from it and move on.

My mother says I'm one of the few people she knows who's actually actively trying to improve themselves. Do so many of us actually think we are perfect? Or do we choose to use our imperfections as an excuse for failure? I choose to use my imperfections as a starting point for change...to make little alterations here and there to my temperament. Home improvements, as it were.

I hope I'm not the only one.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Two important lessons

I got this link in an email from the university Buddhist Society. It's a comic about a monk who gets sent to Hell for a bit.

The Devil & the Monk - Theory of Everything Comics

For me, there were two important lessons in this comic -

1. No matter what life throws at me, I can face it...all I need is a pure mind
2. No matter what we've done and where we are in life, it's never too late to embrace the Dhamma and escape samsāra.

I hope you enjoy the comic!

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Open your eyes

Why is it so difficult for people to see all the sides of a story? We're so quick to take sides, based on our preconceived notions about the parties involved. I'm not saying we need to justify each party's actions, but at least attempt to understand their logic? View the bigger picture? Consider all points of view? But no, the majority of people are content to see the world through blinkers, and use their personal preference (chanda) to cultivate ill-will (dvesha) towards the perceived perpetrator. All because of their ignorance (moha) of the true nature of things.

Why? Why not make the effort to see things in a different light? You might revert to your original stance, which is fine...but at least you've considered alternative ideas. Didn't Lord Buddha tell us to examine the Dhamma before accepting it? Surely the same goes for everything else?

I don't get it.

(Chanda, dvesha and moha are three of the four defilements as detailed in the Agati Sutta [AN 4.19]; the fourth being bhaya - fear.)

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Watch your mouth

My grandmother had a policy of 'if you have nothing good to say, say nothing'. It was a good policy. OK so maybe I gossip a bit, but it is never malicious...it's more a case of me living vicariously. And I listen to far more gossip than I spread. I'm not trying to justify my actions but I'm just saying...I don't approve of malicious gossip.

Why is it that there are so many people who do?! It's positively nauseating! The fourth precept is largely considered to be abstinence from speaking untruths, but I once heard that this abstinence should extend to all unpleasant words, whether they be profanities, malicious gossip or pranks...and I think that makes sense. Why should you say things that will cause undue distress to others?

I don't understand what these people get out of all their backstabbing. It makes my skin crawl. What is the purpose? Even if they've been hard done by in their eyes, what is the purpose of revenge, but to indulge in an endless cycle of hate? These are supposedly intelligent, educated people, and yet they're as ignorant as newborn babes.

It disgusts me that people indulge in such spiteful behaviour, but I will try and find peace in the knowledge that what goes around comes around.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Letting go of the shit

I just got back from a talk by Ajahn Brahm. Oh wow, he really is something, isn't he? I only hope I can be as captivating a speaker as he is. I could listen to him for hours...oh wait, I did.

But onto what he said. He related his story about the two chicken farmers. I realised that all this time I've been doing what the first farmer did: collecting the shit. It's not that I didn't notice the eggs, but I didn't focus on them. Instead I focused on all the negatives: the guilt, the regret, the failure, the inadequacy...and I berated myself for it. No wonder my mother said I don't love myself enough.

Letting go of the shit is difficult. But it is necessary. If I am ever to rid myself of this depression, I have to look after myself. Love myself. Praise myself. Be constructive with myself. Be positive. Treat myself the way I treat my students...with patience, tolerance, dedication and love. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't deserve it.

It's weird that I have no problem doing metta for people I dislike, but I find it difficult to do it for myself. Silly really...how can I expect other people to love and respect me when I don't love and respect myself?

I shall stop rambling and go to sleep now. As my mother says...tomorrow won't be a good day or a bad day; it'll be a new day.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Eeeeegoooooooo

Why do people take themselves so seriously? We are all flawed, we are all vulnerable, and when considering the bigger picture, we are all insignificant. So why waste so much energy getting offended and upset and feeling hard done by? Isn't it far better to laugh it off, let go and move on?

Sigh...anicca, dukkha, anatta indeed.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Well, no one said it'd be easy

Try living in the moment for five minutes. No past, no future. Just the present. Oh wow, this meditation business is hard. It'll get easier eventually, apparently.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Here we go again

Yes I know my life is full of false starts. What to do.

Had a look at Ajahn Brahm's youtube videos today. One caught my eye and proved very valuable, as mentioned here. So what do I need to do? Separate body from mind. Simple as that. Even though my body is tired, it doesn't mean my mind needs to be. How difficult could that be, eh?

Hmm...

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Finding my way

I feel myself slipping away. The trappings of worldly pleasures distract me from the bigger picture.

I'm struggling to find my place in this world. I do not wish to conform, but I do not wish to be an outcast. I want to stand out and yet be accepted. Surely this is a contradiction?!

I need to find my way back to the Teachings. To rediscover my conviction. The scent of dried bo leaves in my copy of the Dhammapada takes my mind back to Anuradhapura, and the tranquillity I felt at Ruwanweliseya. I need to find that calm again.

My mother has stopped telling me to meditate. And now I think I'm ready to start meditating. For real this time.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Mettā, anyone?

I just followed a 35 minute meditation session. My mind wandered a lot more than I'd envisaged, but I'm glad I've at least started. I would like to develop this meditation into a habit. We shall see.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Religious Tolerance?

What is religious tolerance? Is it possible to be tolerant about a religion that you perceive as inferior to your own? This troubles me.

As I see it, a lot of people confuse 'religious tolerance' with 'pity'. A lot of people think that those who don't follow their own religion need to be saved. And some of those who don't follow any religion seem to revel in religion-bashing. What's the point? What does anyone stand to gain by ridiculing someone else's beliefs? What gives us the right to stand atop the moral pedestal and point and laugh at everyone below? Aren't we all in the same boat, just trying to find our own way of making it in this maze of life?

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Wake-up call

Sometimes it takes a shock to the system to set everything right. Those perceived as being immortal must disprove that notion, in order for us to accept that everything is impermanent.

Have I woken up? We shall see.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Practise what you preach

Why is it so difficult? I preach the benefits of equanimity to others, and then let others get me down. Why am I so susceptible to others' criticism? I do not feel I have done anything wrong, and yet I feel victimised. Still, I know that allowing myself to feel victimised is giving others permission to do so. I have made a judgment I know to be right...why is it so difficult to be proud of my decision?

I know nothing good in this world comes easy, but does it have to be this difficult? Sometimes I wonder...

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Sammā diţţi vs. Mityā diţţi...

Blind faith is something that's generally frowned upon in Buddhism. To quote Ven. Rahula in his What The Buddha Taught,

"Almost all religions are built on faith - rather 'blind' faith it would seem. But in Buddhism emphasis is laid on 'seeing', knowing, understanding, and not on faith, or belief. In Buddhist texts there is a word saddhā which is usually translated as 'faith' or 'belief'. But saddhā is not 'faith' as such, but rather 'confidence' born out of conviction."

So how do we develop saddhā? How can we be sure that our convictions are true? How can we be sure that we have understood the Dhamma the way it was intended to be interpreted? Misinterpretation is the cause of so many rifts in other religious groups that the need for right understanding (sammā diţţi; antonym: mityā diţţi) is apparent.

I like to think that I understand quite a bit of basic Buddhism...but the more and more I think about it, the more the question "what if I have understood this concept through rationalisation and not through sammā diţţi?" takes over my mind. It is an unnerving thought. Naturally it is more an issue in concepts that are difficult to comprehend (such as reincarnation), but it is an issue nonetheless.

It's not that I'm doubting what has been taught - that will not happen. However, in my quest to better my understanding of my own convictions, I feel slightly 'exposed' to question. I guess this is part of the process of understanding but still, I am confused.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

Baby Steps

I like to tell myself "I will meditate daily", "I will read the Dhammapada on a regular basis", "I will attend more Buddhist talks at university"...But I don't like to break promises. The frustration and disappointment that ensues brings home a sense of failure, and thereby negates the initial purpose of the promise. So I must be content with 'baby steps': one day at a time, one hour at a time...one moment at a time. May I live in the moment - not dwell in the past, nor fear the future, but enjoy the present.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!

All journeys begin with a single step

This is my first.

Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!