Letting go of the shit
I just got back from a talk by Ajahn Brahm. Oh wow, he really is something, isn't he? I only hope I can be as captivating a speaker as he is. I could listen to him for hours...oh wait, I did.
But onto what he said. He related his story about the two chicken farmers. I realised that all this time I've been doing what the first farmer did: collecting the shit. It's not that I didn't notice the eggs, but I didn't focus on them. Instead I focused on all the negatives: the guilt, the regret, the failure, the inadequacy...and I berated myself for it. No wonder my mother said I don't love myself enough.
Letting go of the shit is difficult. But it is necessary. If I am ever to rid myself of this depression, I have to look after myself. Love myself. Praise myself. Be constructive with myself. Be positive. Treat myself the way I treat my students...with patience, tolerance, dedication and love. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't deserve it.
It's weird that I have no problem doing metta for people I dislike, but I find it difficult to do it for myself. Silly really...how can I expect other people to love and respect me when I don't love and respect myself?
I shall stop rambling and go to sleep now. As my mother says...tomorrow won't be a good day or a bad day; it'll be a new day.
Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!
But onto what he said. He related his story about the two chicken farmers. I realised that all this time I've been doing what the first farmer did: collecting the shit. It's not that I didn't notice the eggs, but I didn't focus on them. Instead I focused on all the negatives: the guilt, the regret, the failure, the inadequacy...and I berated myself for it. No wonder my mother said I don't love myself enough.
Letting go of the shit is difficult. But it is necessary. If I am ever to rid myself of this depression, I have to look after myself. Love myself. Praise myself. Be constructive with myself. Be positive. Treat myself the way I treat my students...with patience, tolerance, dedication and love. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't deserve it.
It's weird that I have no problem doing metta for people I dislike, but I find it difficult to do it for myself. Silly really...how can I expect other people to love and respect me when I don't love and respect myself?
I shall stop rambling and go to sleep now. As my mother says...tomorrow won't be a good day or a bad day; it'll be a new day.
Sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā!